A Different Kind of Game.

2011 Resolution

2011-01-03T23:56:00.008+08:00

So long nv blog alr! Must blog n monitor my own progress from now on! Albeit not regularly.

Time to start making and sticking to my resolutions! Last year was not that great, but somehow i can't recall the lousy part. Learnt alot about society though. This year, the main goal will be to start by changing oneself, and the way of thinking. Gogo SM!

1) Lose weight! Like 10kg will do? The fats i mean.
Yea i know i have said that like countless times while munching n snacks, but i really hope to motivate myself! Must send myself reminders! So many clothes in the closet waiting for me!

2) Positive thinking.
This is like the most effective thing one can do to him/herself. Somehow i realized that i take every issue that happened to me negatively. If i can start thinking from a different pov, it can really change alot. Having an overview of the entire situation instead of focusing on the bad things itself can do one good. Seriously if everyone would change their way of thinking, life will be good! So i'm gotta start with myself and learn to embrace every situation as a learning experience. It's all gonna be part and parcel of life anyway, so why feel angry/sad about everything? With great power comes great responsibilities. Remember that!

3) Learn to apply make up!
Understand that i am not perfect, so at least wanna try making myself look better and feel even greater! Every lady out there is doing it, so i shouldn't wait until my face deteriorates before starting. Trying to buy all the make up accessories so that i can start practising! Started to try a little but gotta slowly incorporate into daily life. Let's start by the weekends first!

4) Don't be lazy. Aka don't procrastinate.
This includes facial, to-do list etc. Applies to the rest of this page as well. Must put eye/mask regularly and apply moisturizer before bed! Will try to add in toner part too. lol. N uploading of pics blabla. Wake up earlier for work instead of rushing last min.

5) Exercise.
This is for beauty and health! N to use the sports shoe i bought from TW last year! If not collect dust only.. For eating so much junk and clogging up my arteries. (Maybe pores too?) Need to increase muscle mass and make myself feel young. My muscle and bones are so stiff now and i'm so weak :(

6) Spend less.
Been spending alot on clothes and cosmetics recently, i find a little scary. If i can save on a few hundred every month, perhaps the $ can be directed to mum. The $ i spent can't even be felt afterwards.

7) Be motivated during work.
Didn't manage to stay on with a job for more than 1 year. It might be excuses i've been giving myself, but now i should be focused on gaining the exp. The $ and environment will come in naturally next time! If i were to leave now, i will not get such a good offer anywhere else. This i need help. How do i stay motivated?!?!

8) Start a business.
No need to start within this year, but perhaps i can start setting up the webpage first as well as look for suppliers and partners. If all goes well, I can have a sideline to fund my spending while the salary i have can go into my rainy day fund. Maybe in the future i can stop working full time and focusing on the business instead. Hehe.

9) Spend less time online.
Nah i guess it isn't possible..

Feel so good after writing out this post! Like i'm utterly refreshed and ready to face any challenges! :) Well now to start by surviving the 9hrs of staying in office tmr. Jiayou to all!

Page

2010-11-30T23:09:00.004+08:00

Randomly decided to see see abit. Why was i so emo?! So embarrassing to read. Should write more n think in more depth, but.. Procrastination is my BFF. \o/

Anyway, can't believe I reached this obvious conclusion so late. Best to be your own boss!

Why so many passer-bys recently?? Hello there! :D *waves*

Suckers.

2010-05-01T01:11:00.001+08:00

Work is such a headache. Die u old ppl!

!!!!!

2009-10-11T22:07:00.001+08:00

I need a break! Is $ really worth all this mental torture?!

Intermittence.

2009-09-15T12:37:00.004+08:00

Decided to try and get my tracks back on blogging, in order to liven up my dead brain. Seriously, i cant even find the right words to rightfully express how i feel. Gosh. For now i'm not busy as yet, n so for now i shd try n meet up with frens n such. Before my life turns to hell due to the calls made by customers n agents. Hope they wun get theirs hands on my #!

Sigh. Nth to talk about alr. I'm like seiously very short fused. Last time my mind used to think in swirls n whirls. Now? I lack depth. Like seriously. I'm so excited! Today's supposed to be the release of Dan Brown's latest book!!!!! I've been waiting la! Thought he wouldn't ever write again after earning so much from the previous series. Then again i forgot to visit Popular to find out about the books or wad. What if it's sold out!? Hope it wun be released today. :S

Back to work.

Update.

2009-08-07T01:37:00.000+08:00

I'M JUST LAZY. AND BROKE. AND SLIGHTLY DISCOURAGED.

My own house plagues me to no end! The damned smell from leaving laundry, that roach(es) which keeps appearing.. Seriously, is home meant to be that way? I seriously feel damn trapped by the amount of time i have to stay here. 5 yrs? 10? if we could all start over from 0, i would nv ever let it be like that. it's becoming dreadful.

The many changes i see seriously scares me, n i wonder if we will turn out to be like them. Many of them. I have not seen any who stayed true till death. There's noone to look up to, no one at all. It's getting scary, and if it's my turn, i wun be able to take it. Not now. This is probably the only thing i will hope for in my life, to entrust it to a superior being whom might not exist. Please never let it be.

Im seriously traumatised and disgrunted. Ever since the start of this cycle, i have been losing my temper easily. I hope this pass by quickly. Eek.

I seriously hope and wish that UP will cheer me up tmr. Or later. Probably i shdn wear white. Hmm.

Pre.

2009-05-25T17:22:00.000+08:00

Sigh.. Been getting unpleasant dreams nowadays.. 2 consecutive dreams trying to convince me that things indeed happened, and another today telling me almost exact same things, just diff versions. Have i slept too much?

Maybe i shdn ever sleep again.

Oops.

2009-05-20T20:53:00.001+08:00

I'm going to blog soon. Like, when procrastination stops possessing me. :X

Speaking.

2009-05-15T21:03:00.003+08:00

The last time i blog was the last time my feelings were invoked. By some stupid roaches. Eeeeew. I dunno if i fear or hate them now. Probably both. Ugh.

Been reading blogs. N i realised how little i express myself x_x Whenever i see others declaring their love or gratitude, i kinda feel a little inappropriate for it to be posted actually. But then again, i feel that expressing really helps in certain ways. It seriously brings ppl closer to each other and allows feelings to be conveyed. Esp for me. My expression is like totally negligible, i know. You cant blame me for being shy, right? @_@

Fine. I cant assume that you understand, and same goes for u as well. We are both deprived of expression. I know i almost never say rarely or sorry, so hopefully i will return to blogging in order to convey my msg. *_*

I actually am grateful that you are by my side. No matter wad happens i know you will always be there. ~~Otherwise i will spam~~ You've done alot for me, i know, and i hope to do the same, and give you the support you need, esp the upcoming few months. Those would be the hardest time of our lives, maybe yours, for the heavy juggling needed to be done.

My feelings have never ever ever ever faded, and on the contrary, grew stronger with every challenge we faced. I believe difficulties are there to strengthen our feelings, and bring us closer tgt. ~~At times of peace, ppl grow weak and unguarded..~~ <3

GALILEO ROCKS CAN! NICE! But too bad there's only like 10 episodes hur hur. Ahhhhh i love mysteries.

Cocked.

2009-04-21T01:19:00.005+08:00

COCKROACHES REALLY SUCK! THEY SHOULD ALL PERISH AND DIE AND NEVER BE BROUGHT UP AGAIN!!!!!!! RARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

I seriously want to use caps for the entire entry la. Tsk. -_- Ytd as i went home at night, a cockroach stood in my path. RIGHT IN THE CENTER! Wth. I was contemplating my next xourse of action. My phone was out of batt, and there's a possiblity the roach might touch me or fly around if i try to jump pass it. Zzzzz. Being desperate, i yelled for my mum n hoped that she's around. LUCKILY she was and came out to help me. BUT the damn roach ran off! YOU BIG FAT COWARD! COME FACE MY MUM IF YOU DARE!!! not me.

Y! Y din u come up with me! I wouldn't be so traumatised so.

When mum came home today, she spotted a nasty roach! N she covered it with an upturned plastic container. :s When she went to the window, she spotted some creepy stuff. N she asked me to look. I was like @#$#U*$^#@$@%# There were so many roaches underneath my block! SO DISGUSTING! It's like at 4th storey, u can see all the tiny brown stuff downstairs scurrying around, and everywhr u look, they are just.. There. Eeeeew. I get goosebumps whenever i think bout them. Some birds were there and they actually ate them up. I dunno to like them or feel disgusted by their actions. Thanks anw. Eat more, pls. Some roaches were flyig ard lor! No wonder some came inside the house! Urk! With that, i closed the window of hell. Yucks.

This paragrah is still about roaches. Roach actually. The caged roach named XQ. XQ was so smart. It tried to push open the container but failed since its so tiny n doesn have enuf strength. So, after awhile when i returned n checked on it, it was right in the middle, not moving, and lying upside down. IT ACTED DEAD. !@$#u*$^@#$!@#^#$*#$ ya right like i will let u out even if u were dead! u will jus end up as a corpse i tell u! stay in there n die of hunger! (actually i hope it will be disposed of soon.) Another thing which kinda upsetted me. My mum accidentally kicked the box n XQ ran away. !@%%(%&(R&^@#$%! I was horrified! It was a horror scene playing out. RIGHT IN THE VERY SAFE PREMISES OF YOUR OWN HOUSE! TERRIBLE! GAHHHHHH! Lucky it was caught b4 it went far. Tsk.

Seriously i haven felt so agitated in a long time. Something which actually made me think n feel. Recently i haven been using my brain so im like kinda "stand-less". I simply feel neutral to everyth. Prob due to fact that i haven been studyign for quite a long period, :s I feel slightly brain deaded. N lazy. Despite having many thoughts n opinions, i refused to blog. I felt lazy. Andthat kinda made me stupid. Cos i haven been thinking. I need to blog more often. I seriously feel like i dun have any stand or kowledge. Ask me qn n i will be stumped. In the past i used to reply with sarcasm. Now i can only ans the basic yes no maybe dunno. Eeek. I need to read. When is Dan Brown's book coming out?!?! Gah!

Come to think of it, if i see 1 while im driving, im bound to lose control n bang smth. -_- Im pretty sure i will be stunned for quite awhile n be able to do nth. Gah.

Damn the hot weather for causing the roaches to see daylight. Hide in your sewers n die! Stand in my path n all u face is death!

Leash.

2009-04-13T01:45:00.003+08:00

I seriously must control. My temper, my emotions, and my purse string especially. Gah. We dun even have $ to buy tissue! N the electricity supply might be cut off soon. I seriously dunno wad i will do if it occurs. Tsk.

I so need to survive on $50 for like 2-3 months n i do not feel like getting out of my comfort zone. Grr.

Y m i powerless! Argh.

Y cant i find it! Argh.

Tomorrow never comes. -_-

Checkered.

2009-03-26T00:16:00.003+08:00

Hai. I'm starting to lose confidence. T.T M i really not cut out for driving?!?! :( BUT NO! It is considered a childhood dream of mine, so i must at least fulfil it. Come to think of it, i did not manage to complete any of my childhood dreams, even thou they are all quite farfetched. Lol. So, driving! At least this i must, i bet my $100 upon it, even if i'm gonna be a future tai tai with my own chaffeur.

Every single car out there has an owner who passed BTT, FTT, and Practical. I'm bui song! RAWR! (Thou even if they did, it doesn mean much since there's so much accidents out there.) So passing all those does not mean that u r safe. Then again, F1 racers need not know that much of wadever is in BTT right? FTT is all so common sensical. I feel like making a stand for female drivers by proving my driving potential!

Yaya i know u will think that i'm crapping, but just u wait! I'm determined this time round. Hmph! @_@

DUN ASK ME! >_<

Hopeless.

2009-03-24T13:36:00.002+08:00

I don't feel like writing about wad i feel cos i think it might scare everyone. But i'm back to the PMS-y state, n i kinda feel depressed and all.

There are certain things needed to be thrashed, otherwise i would feel this way every now n then. N i'm pretty sick of it alr.

If u don't have any action soon, i'm pretty sure smth nasty will happen.

Meanwhile, i will try surviving on my oreo with milk.

I hate it when bedtime comes.

+exp.

2009-03-18T01:44:00.004+08:00

Give me my 100%, damn! @_@

Life is a real learning experience, Sometimes i wonder where all these would lead us to? After the perfect picture is obtained, everything descends. It happens after every peak of cos.

What will we find in death? With all our hard earned experiences, will each of us find something different at the end of the tunnel?

Pardon me. I shd be slping n trying to recall what's in the btt book, but i feel as though i've attained Nirvana. But i will be able to do so, at least not now, sooooo just ignore me. I'm enlightened! :3

I found my locker key. But i suspect i might find emptiness inside due to the long overdued payment. o.o bad debt, tsk tsk..

I actually am very tempted to join him. Maybe this was what i was created to do after all.

Taking the first step is damnnnnnn hard, but it is crucial. Just by breaking that invisible barrier, it is possible to reforge kinship n feelings which were thought to be long lost.

Not with you thou; Our feelings were never lost in the first place.

Aiyaaaa.

2009-03-17T17:03:00.003+08:00

Tmr's BTT! But i cant start on driving even if i pass, so it's kinda pointless. I cant wait to show the world what a ZAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII driver i am! !@$#^I(%^&@$!@

Y! Y m i broke?! YYYYYYY! Hai, lazy to find work when there's only like less than 2 months to do so. x_X But im bored at home! Gahhhhhhhhh.

Grew more lines on my eye and i look damn damn damn old now la. Geez. Remedy?!?!

One day when i'm not lazy, i will probably pen down my full thoughts.

Even by double clicking, i'm making a pretty huge step there..

Blurred.

2009-03-15T17:50:00.000+08:00

Been unlucky recently. All these things had to happen after i quit my job. Otherwise i would be able to claim all these medical expenses n not worry about the $ i have left.

I've been diagnosed with urinary tract infection. Again. Hopefully it isnt bcos i din complete my antibiotics the last time round. Who would if that medicine caused them to empty their entire stomach? Lucky i recognised the symptoms and saw the dr early, otherwise i would have suffered from even more pain.

Ytd was horrible. I repeated the same mistake on thurs, and this time, the eyedrop given by the dr din help. I struggled for many hrs till i decided to tell mum n she brought me down to see the dr. Thank god it's so near. I had to force my eye in order to even see, but then again, it's sensitive to light so i couldn keep it open for long. I was practically blind. The dr helped wash my eye, and gave some medicine, but unfortunately i still struggled the entire night with the constant pain in both eyes. I couldn sleep, couldnt use the com, and could only lay in bed with a box of tissues and close my eyes. My eye kept tearing on its own n mucus kept coming out of my nose, i had headache, and i could only feel my way around the hse just to visit the toilet or the sink. Spent so much $ on the bills! Gah. Now i have like 7 diff medicine to take? Sheesh. Anw eyes feels better n less swollen, but dr still wrote a referral to an eye specialist. So, gonna go TTS now n hopefully i can go home immediately after.

Lemme come home with perfect vision b4 i start doing anyth else. Cant sms or use the com.

Din tell you this cos i know i would get scolded. Will settle myself b4 other things first.

Ewk the medicine tastes horrible.

See u soon. Hopefully. Ciaos.

Regardless.

2009-03-13T00:02:00.003+08:00

Tmr's my last day of work! What a pleasant surprise! Weeeeeeeeeee! But it's a little rushed thou cos i cant really say goodbye to everyone. But since i wanted to go asap, it's actually kind of a reward for me in my opinion. How am i gonna break the news to them tmr thou? x.x

I FEEL REBORN!!!

Hmm. You actually let me did what i wanted (which is to sleep) for once, n i ought to be glad for that tiny bit of freedom earned. Somehow i enjoy contradicting myself: I rather spend more time than sleep, but sometimes i would prefer sleeping lest i be in a foul mood when i wake. :X So.. I guess u can wake me and ask for my opinion nx time thou. Cos i dun even know what i want. @_@ But i do know i want more time with you.

Bellow.

2009-03-10T20:49:00.002+08:00

I dreamt i had a baby boy! X_x It din recognise me as mummy right away, how cruel. And it became a toddler just like that. How weird. He looks damn cute, and keeps laughing no matter wad. Kinda like a toddler i saw on tv. Must be my genes. Somehow i was happy. :S Oh well. Must be the fact that i stayed home for too long already.

Hopefully i can get an early termination! Not by them though. All there's left to worry is the $$ for the nx few months n job opportunities. But i dun really wish to work now, so a dilemma occurs. But first things first, shall see when i can officially quit b4 i start planning. And time to update my resume again.

I think u better start working so that i wun be that distracted.

Gah, work tmr. Xianz!

I sense tough times coming. NO! T.T

Rilak.

2009-03-08T00:56:00.004+08:00

Call me paranoid, but i'm sure it sucks not knowing whether you will be alive after the ordeal ends. It is such a terrible way to suffer. Curiosity got the better of me, and i actually went to watch Air Crash Investigation on National Geographic. Kyah! @_@ Humans shdnt be made to go thru this! T_T Eek.

Airlines and engineers and mechanics and whosoever are involved in aircraft maintenance, plssssssssssssssssssssss do not any little discrepancy off! I am so gonna do my part in ensuring that the serviceable items are handled with care. N omigosh the latent failure! Pls dun ever occur at all. Rarh. I am so gonna look out for that customer. _-_

I feel very very cranky now. X_x God bless.

Self.

2009-03-08T00:42:00.000+08:00

Random test on http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx:

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Pit.

2009-03-03T21:58:00.004+08:00

I just dun want you to make any decision which might leave u feeling hopeless, lost, or unhappy. And i so not want you to have any regrets at all.. I want you to tell me how you actually felt about this, and your plans ahead.

Remember, i didn't worry about what i would regret at that point of time. I was too hazed.

That and that being said, i hope you understand where i'm coming from, and know that i will support you in whatever decisions you make, and provide the resources and stuff you need with all my might.

I'm listening to healing music for the soul, and i wonder why i'm doing so when it isn't me now. X_x

Will try to, must try to;

Meetup.

2009-02-23T00:08:00.003+08:00

I like Cybershot with the face & smile detection camera! Gosh it was so fun! Felt like playing in front of the cam for a very long time but shall not until it becomes my possession :) it's really accurate! It detects smiles and teeth, but if i make a funny face it wun take. HAHAHA. The 3 of us tried so hard to not smile, but it's simply very tough. Haha. It's just too nice :) Still got the smile percentage or smth one. When it reaches a certain level, it will take the pic. So long as one of us smiles, it will automatically take the pic. Heehee. Cant wait to get my hands on one! Really wonder how they manage to produce such a smart camera thou. Heehee. Lucky i haven buy a camera yet. @_@ It's a little high for my budget thou.

I really din reach late intentionally. I was only delayed for a few mins, so i asked julie to reach in like 5-10 mins later than the stipulated time. N she took the bus only 15mins after bus! X_x Not my fault! N so we took the MRT which arrived in like 5 mins, n to sum up, we arrived 20 mins later. Since the mrt is so fast. Dun worry, we dun do that most of the time. Muahhahaha.

Wanted to watch TCCOBB with dj n julie! But apparently we went to cine instead of shaw, which supposedly has less ppl. Oh well. K20 was interesting as well. It has slightly more twist than expected, and certain character development in just 2+ hrs. Abit long for a movie, but for the development part it really is gradual and the progress apparent. Unlike certain overpowered ~~Bleach/Naruto~~ mangas and the likes. At least can see how he can survive the straight line route longer, and last without twisting his ankle longer. Haha. Poor thing to get caught up in all these for no reason. Sort of love the changes the characters went thru after seeing certain stuff happen, like the children gathered in slums and such. And to do smth 'bad' just they dun really have a choice and wish to improve the situation. Too bad we got no UOB card! RAWR!

Lemme set some goals i want for driving:
-Pass BTT + FTT at first try.
-NEVER knock down ANY poles, even during lessons.
-Finish preparations for Practical within 20 sessions.
-Find a good instructor so that he can claim credit for my 1 try pass. (No this is no BHB-ness, this is confidence! Not overconfidence. ~~I hope.~~)
-Pass within 6 months so that i do not have to renew membership nor PDL.
-Get all the controls right X_X
-Honk at ppl/drivers whenever i get the opportunity.
-Drive at normal speed on normal road. (Do not want to be like noob road hoggers.)
-Buy 4D on instructor's carplate
-Make the instructor pick me up from work and send me home b4 and after lessons.

Shall update the list if i thought of other stuff. Hurhur.

Think i shall take a day off tmr. Really need the rest, and feel like solving the 3 wolves n chicken puzzle :X I WAN AN NDS!!!

So many wants, so little $. Time for a job change i suppose. Immediately after my official graduation i'll start looking for one. Help.

Feeling better now, physically. But i'm not sure if i can ever forgive myself.

Still ever the procrastinator at blogging. Haiz T_T

Ooh~!

2009-02-20T12:19:00.002+08:00

Pink Panther is funny! Nice nice, just exactly what i needed after a day of stress and conflicts. :) Had me laughing through the entire show. Heehee.

Still no time this weekend to blog, so will prob do so next week. Hopefully. :x

Y am i so hungry! This is the first time i finish an entire packet of rice(which i always have like half left), and i'm still feeling empty in my stomach. T.T

Friday! Nice nice. Hope time flies and it will be BTT nx month. Hee.

You create hurt and despair even when you aren't around anymore, and I think that's pretty despicable.

2009-02-19T16:29:00.004+08:00

Lazy to blog bout certain stuff. N upload some pics. :)

Some ppl will never change. I guess you are one of them. My only advice which will summarise my entire mindful of words i oughta shoot at you, cos u wun listen and will DEFINITELY find some sorry excuse to cover for yourself, or put the blame on the other party:

GROW UP. ~~Don't think that you will always get away with~~

Opps. I said it was a summary, isn't it?

Well. I guess someone should put up a resistance or something, and hence.

P.S. I think i'm damn good at summarising. (Really!)
P.S.S Think some of you will know who i'm referring to.
P.S.S.S. My beloved M! :DDD

BA.

2009-02-13T23:42:00.002+08:00

Imagine the horror when i got a B+. Like, how can i only get a B+ for ECONS?!?! I was pretty confident and sure, if i gauge its performance to the rest of my modules. Upon closer examination, i realised that it was actually for my accounting module. So, that was weird. And it's good news! Only a few got A+ and some got A. I was expecting a C actually. Well, i must have some slight talent in studying, right? I mean, even submitting last min crap work can actually get me this far. So i wonder how certain ppl can actually get an F for it.. @_@ Oh well, really hope i can get at least an A for my econs (since i had certain help actually =x), but wun be expecting much as ppl have diff standards, and really hope that i can pass STATS, the LASTEST mod for the entire course. :)

Good end to Fri the 13th, welcome 14th! :D

Vengence.

2009-02-10T16:01:00.002+08:00

HELLO WORLD.

I am bored. Despite 1 man down, at 3.30pm i am already done with all my work. Not to mention that i had 4 hrs worth of LEAN training in the morning which almost caused me to fall aslp. So officially i worked for like 2 hrs, minus the breaks. :O WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF BUSINESS!!! Ah. This reminded me of our no increment thing. ZZZZZZZz. I'm so gonna run ASAP. Any nice job recommendations, anyone?

I'm gonna get the vday cake from breadtalk! I hope. I shall be nice and buy it since it's so cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!~ ~~And then i shall guide it inside my tummy :3~~ Feel like getting the doll ~~for my own viewing pleasure~~! :)

before i can do anything, i shall try n crap something so that i can get working marks or whatever for half of my STATS assignment. Curse the date of my last exam this sun! A C will do. I wun ask for much k? :)

I wanna go home! But class.. Hai.

Life is an evil conspiracy.

CNY?!

2009-01-26T14:47:00.003+08:00

Here i am, stuck at home, cos mum din wan me to pass the virus to the kids!! :( Not that i mind staying at home, but i'm slightly bored and a little disappointed that i cant touch my bakkwa and choc. T.T

Err, happy niu year to everyone! Somehow it feels slightly like my year as i'm a taurean. =x Moomoos are so cute too! :)

This dear Jersey calf is the cutest of all breeds! Looks like a deer! :)
Of cos, those black and white ones are quite cute too. Heehee.
Perhaps i might reduce my consumption of steak and the likes :S

Fly, please.

2009-01-24T22:04:00.003+08:00

Only day 1 and i'm already feeling the emptiness. Hai. Hopefully time will fly before i know it, and more packed ang pows will fly into my palm this coming CNY. (The ang moh boss is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy more generous than our own GM! :x)

Hopefully in a few years' time, i will be able to receive ang pows from people around settling down. :)

U better make up for it! >_<

Please.

2009-01-23T00:24:00.002+08:00

Probably cos the suggested method makes me feel conscious, mean, and scared and scarred..

I'm tired.

Wolf.

2009-01-18T22:18:00.003+08:00

I sick and tired of being independent, though proud of it in a sense. But i wanna be spoilt, not by myself. My own efforts. It's.. Exhausting.

Seeing the attitude she'd taken, i bet she's really under alot of stress and emotional turmoil which noone understands. The new wedded life she isn't accustomed to, stress induced by CHILDish in-laws, and the husband who sides his parents. How lonely she must feel, away from home, away from her comfort zone, and despised for being herself. Honestly, is there a need to rush a couple who has only been married for 1 month? It is a horror, to impose beliefs of the older generation onto Gen Y. Despite taking drastic actions against family and frens, she must be feeling the ache and confusion clouded her right now.

As i look at the situations around, esp the closest one, my heart started to bleed. I know i would rather die, than to be subjected to this kind of mental torture. And perhaps, they are much braver than i am.

It is time to accept the fact that your children will grow up and leave your side one day. So, don't keep them by your side..

It's not easy to be. I am really awed of your resolve and ability to stick through all these, over the 20 odd years in that horrible hell, and still manage to remember my love for milk teas.

Love.

Many Aspects.

2009-01-18T01:45:00.004+08:00

I honestly dislike being lectured. (Yes, i know my stubbornness has no end. Blame it on my horoscope.) The worse is, knowing that the lecturer actually doesn't follow his own teachings. Well, to a certain extent, i do that as well. But, shdn't you be more understanding, esp when u face the same problem of giving in to temptation as well? That it isn't easy to change overnight?

Thus, i deem it impossible for me, if it's impossible for u as well. It applies to all aspects. Again, dun qn me. Things are pretty bleak, and i do not wish to encounter a cold blanket. Yes, i'm pretty pissed recently, with all the bad luck and all. It's coming, i bet. Will try to cover this entry up with a ridiculously happy entry b4 CNY, if possible, ever.

Reading Twilight actually made me feel like a klutz. Or however u spell it. I can literally feel myself being more self-conscious n aware, and clumsy at the same time. I hope reading from Bella's perspective is non-infectious, and she will not rub off her really bad luck, bad mood, and bad coordination on me. :S

You know, when you go to sleep without washing up, an EXTRA line will appear underneath your eyes. Geez. :S

I vowed that I will start anew. Silently, of course..
And I hope I'm not the only one.

Moderate.

2009-01-17T16:37:00.004+08:00

It's like a drug which soothes me whenever i'm down/out/frustrated/furious. You, and the com. Of cos, it isn't entirely substitutable. But it serves as a distraction, to wadever unhappiness i'm facing. You can tell the difference when i'm with neither.

I told myself that i won't do it. But my emotions and righteousness won't listen. And i really hate it. One of these days, i'll do something i'll regret for the rest of my life.

Sometimes my mind wanders off.. Thinking bout things which shdn't be thought.. And whenever i feel bad, i start putting the blame on others.. Oh well. Perhaps i can consider this to be an 'alone' time? Still, I hate this kind of 'abandoned' feeling. Oh well. Forget about it.

You know, a little support and understanding goes a long way.. Even if the person is at fault, words of encouragement can help.. Instead of being too 'real' and pointing out their mistakes, which might make them more hysterical actually, being patient is the best remedy. Like a parent to a growing child.

Ah, everything is so unpredictable. Esp with all the stuff happening.. Really, in this world, ANYTHING can happen.. And i hope i will have the luck and capability to avoid it.

I'm learning to be more patient.. Patient.. PATIENT!!! Ah, went over the top. What impatience. Still got a long way to go. No, dun question me. Let it be.

I wanna be normal too..

1st post of the year..!

2009-01-12T00:00:00.005+08:00

It's been awhile. I've been lazy.

Still pretty confused up there, with all the contradicting thoughts.

I promised i'll do anything. Well, mentally only, of course. But all of it vanished as soon as something unexpected happens. As usual, i only let my emotions get the better of me.

But, but. Will this ever change? I strictly doubt so. But again, for that little piece of dream i've held on to, i have to do my best.

Shd i make new year's resolutions? Hmm.. Nah, i shd make a shopping list instead. Here goes:

- Vaio pink! (Cant rmb type.)
- Any camera above 10mp.
- White boots
- Rilakkuma plush with scarf n mittens!
- Coenzyme Q10 products
- Eye/face masks
- Vera Wang Princess perfume!

Bought a rilakkuma tote bag today! :)

Ah, ought to spend less. Damn the economic crisis for giving no chance for ot! I honestly need more $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ for the above. :(

But then again, i actually prefer it :S Not for the no extra income though.

NYE

2008-12-31T10:04:00.002+08:00

2009 is drawing near!! N i'm looking fwd to starting all over again. :)

Perhaps i've been avoiding for too long, It's time to face everyth again. Hopefully 2009 will be a prosperous year for me and may all the luck be attracted to me. :X Well, and u guys too. :)

It's like, i'm transitting into the 2s! Ah, my teenage years..

Found a way to keep my $ in check. -_- At least i started a little bit of savings. Gah.

Happy new year, in case i forgot! :DD

-SM

Someone.

2008-12-28T21:05:00.000+08:00

Will i be somebody you will be proud of?

Ever?

Bye.

2008-12-17T00:22:00.003+08:00

Finally submitted the assignment, n I can kiss goodbye to my Business Accounting module.

I simply copied n pasted. -_-

Ah well, god bless if i can manage to even get a C this time round. >_<

Welcome Wednesday!

Shopping time.

2008-12-14T17:46:00.005+08:00

Whoops. Forgot to announce.

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY on 11 Dec '08! :)
Someone's turning old already. :X

I'm looking for perfumes which smells like marshmallow! Something like my Clarins Lip Enhancer.

It must be the sandwich which caused my fever n such!

Will try to spend as little as possible despite the temptation caused by the bonus. :S

How?

2008-12-03T14:50:00.001+08:00

对你的思念是一天又一天
孤单的我还是没有改变
美丽的梦何时才能出现
亲爱的你好想再见你一面
秋天的风一阵阵的吹过
想起了去年的这个时候
你的心到底在想些什么
为什么留下这个结局让我承受
最爱你的人是我你怎么舍得我难过
在我最需要你的时候没有说一句话就走
最爱你的人是我你怎么舍得我难过
对你付出了这么多你却没有感动过

..

2008-12-02T19:21:00.000+08:00

I seriously have no idea how to survive today. I think i'm sinking in again.

The S.

2008-12-02T08:57:00.002+08:00

I really wanna play Ace Attorney on DS! :(

I hope it's fun thou.

Ah, the urge is engulfing me! Arghh! >_<

Weeeeee!

2008-12-01T18:47:00.003+08:00

HIS EXAM IS FINALLY OVER!! :DDDDD

But. I am here slogging my day off. :(

But. We will be meeting after my work, probably at 930? :O

Still, :)

Rahhh.

2008-11-29T20:57:00.002+08:00

3 more days, 3 more days! Just 3 more days n it will be freedom again! But it seems so long! :(

Er, i hope i can pass my accountancy module? Missed 2 lessons alr. I should be able to do it right? RIGHT?!

I feel like settling down. To study. Cos i dun really have any idea what to work as! Gosh. Is anyone out there feeling the same way as i do? Hope something happens n i'l have a clearer view of life as i want it. I'm like a fish out of water la. Gah.

Time to source for online shopping pleasure!

2008-11-26T18:25:00.002+08:00

Heehee, i'm misunderstood again. I'm the overdemanding inconsiderate person! Hahahahaha.

OK, enuf. Let me.. ...

I found a $20 plastic note in my hse! :O I'm rich!

Update.

2008-11-24T00:24:00.004+08:00

I slept for only 4 hrs b4 my exam! But i managed to survive the paper. If i fail i should just knock the wall and crack my head, just to check if there really is a brain inside. If i can fail ECONS, then noone should be able to pass! ^$!@&%^&*#@ Like, someone did my assignment? :X But i DOO know how to do, so it doesn count. (:

Principles of Accounts is next! Probably 3 more mod to go.. Gahhhhh.

Need to stock up on endorphins in the fridge. :)

Night.

2008-11-19T22:16:00.005+08:00

I went to class for like 1.5 hr! This is really a breakthru! Still considering if i shd go tmr.. I've already covered all the stuff alr. Only hoping tat he will go thru exam qns.. Otherwise i shd study at home instead. Thou there r many things i wanna ask! But he has a whole class to deal with, so suan le. This is my 1st time seeing him anw :S I really cant apply the theory to the qns w/o doing hands on! N im already stuck. Guess i gotta give up this module n hope for a pass =x

My throat is really irritated! I cant even slp properly at night nor during naps! :( It somehow caused a little bit of cough as well.. Hai. Oh i just realised that another colleague of mine is on a 3 day course, so i sort of abandoned the team with my 2 days mc :X Oh well, i din choose to be unwell! Ah, headache coming. T.T

I hate not contacting! Makes me distracted and feel awful. And so far apart. :( Talk to me, talk to me!

Time to start sourcing for cheap psp/ds!

Edit:
Lecturer claimed Sg's fertility rate is 1.29
Well that would solve our land problem in the long run right?

I believe i'm classified under the category: "Underemployed"
Fits the category to a T!
Cant wait to job hop; That would place me under "Frictional Unemployment".
But then again, i think i'm more suited for 'Not in Labour Force'.

I so feel like investing in stock market! But the $$$!

Weeeeeee!

2008-11-16T23:03:00.002+08:00

Mon: OT
Tue: Study
Wed: Class
Thurs: Class
Fri: Wedding dinner
Sat: MUG
Sun: Exam

This is gonna be a horrible week! N nx week as well without youuuuuu! Dumb exams!

There is an addition to the meh meh family, DA STRAWBERRY!!!! Well, even thou it's a fruit, it is still cute enuf to fit in la. :33 Pictures up when i'm not lazy, as usual.

Better recently, as compared to last time. :)

I HAVE A BLOODY HEADACHE!!! 2$I(&*(I$^@

I guess it's enuf to get by with for now.. ^o^

Freeze.

2008-11-10T23:56:00.003+08:00

Mind feels frozen;
Mind can't think.

How do people resolve issues of that calibre?

Not gonna break down again, not gonna.
I hope.
So speaking out isn't what is wanted.
I turned around n bit myself.

Perhaps all humans simply want to hear what they really want to,
and not real feelings of someone else's.

And thus i shall stress,
no one will understand unless they are me.

Don't judge,
don't judge..

你那么爱她

2008-11-09T22:52:00.000+08:00

为甚么不把她留下

为甚么不说心里话

你深爱她

这是每个人都知道啊

Again.

2008-11-09T00:16:00.001+08:00

3 posts in a day. How nostalgic. Haven done this in a long time.

On such a hot day, in spite of bathing for like 1+ hrs, i still can feel hot n sweaty. But despite it all, whenever thoughts began flowing, i feel cold. So cold, i shivered.

Who should i blame for all these?

God, for making humans this way? So unique, So emotional, so clever? To have needs, wants, entertainment, curiosity, attachments.

Humans, for making society this way? Setting up rules, creating barriers and making judgments? Education, friends, family, age, dos, don'ts, stereotypes. So complicated.

Myself, for having the ability to analyze and imagine? To make comparisons from experience, think of possible scenarios, and not be bounded by rules? Being shaped to be competitive isnt advantageous after all. Can i ever free myself from this horrible curse?

Why does society have to evolve and leave me so broken? If I lived in stone age, i probably won't be left so confused and hurt now. Why are we bounded? Why cant we do whatever we want?

I can smile, but how long can it last?

Save me. Chocolate please.

If only one can have no needs..
If only one can focus on simply oneself..
If only one can be satisfied easily..

Let me imagine myself in a world of bliss.. That is, the only way to get me through..

Endorphins.

2008-11-08T19:17:00.001+08:00

Endorphins are endogenous opioid polypeptide compounds. They are produced by the pituitary gland and the hypothalamus in vertebrates during strenuous exercise,excitement, and orgasm,and they resemble the opiates in their abilities to produce analgesia and a sense of well-being. Endorphins work as "natural fever relievers", whose effects may be enhanced by other medications. --Wiki

Cos i've been in the extreme end in the past few hours, my mind had to distract itself cos my body doesn have enuf fluids already. Thus this word came up. My, my, it's such fun researching about things which interests u, and to find out about certain facts which left u feeling 'oh!'!

10 Ways ToTrigger Your Feel-Good Chemicals. -- This link will explain a little bit on the points i'm gonna address.

Eat a chili pepper:
Err.. I still wanna preserve my tongue so that i can enjoy drinking the in peace. Taking spicy stuff will induce tears and mucus as well, eww.

Think positive thoughts:
Hmm. Apparently all my positive thoughts come from being evil or smth, so will that turn me into a psychopath? Well, knowing that there are so many ways to make one happier, makes me feel happy. Heehee. But most positive thoughts of mine involves getting triumphant over someone else! =X

Work out:
I should go for an exercise one day.. Like, next year or smth :S Once i'm freer. Yeah. Ok fineeeee. Once i become not so lazy, k?!?! I thought i was a sadist, but i was wrong. It's runner's high! And perhaps i still am one.

Have an orgasm:
:O We cant blame one for feeling horny, can we?!?! This seems to have the highest endorphin factor anw. Just rmb to protect yourself. How about a few at 1 go to make yourself happier? Btw, bright light stimulates orgasms. Excuse while i turn on the lights. Well, its getting dark n i'm alone..

Undergo acupuncture:
This one is for sadists, like me i suppose.

Chow chocolate:
Nooooo wonder i've been chomping on the chocs! It's like, the only thing i'm relying on to produce more endorphins at this moment! I'm still not willing to give up choc for a better figure! No means no. Bleh. No wonder i couldn't resist getting some expensive chocs ytd, despite having this need to save. Oh noes, i'm hungry already.

Be afraid:
I've found my mama. This really explains my love for horror movies and amusement rides. ONE of my life mysteries have been solved.

Catch a few rays:
No wonder i've been trying to stand outside in the middle of working. Like a sunflower searching for its source of life. And despite wearing a thick sweater.

Have a giggle fit:
I shall watch some 偶像剧 to laugh and cry, after i finish with this post. @_@

Well, well, now u cant blame me for being so depressed right! From all my lacks! :( I hope that my glands are working well, and not something to disable me from feeling happy. T.T

Shall not think about things which may happen in the future. Shall blame the other party once proven wrong. Shall not stay on and torture myself if that happens. Shall forget. Shall move on.

Only if it happens accordingly. Now, i shall try n distract myself. It's coming back! Argh. But i shd start on my show. Hai.. Oh well.

Voted.

2008-11-05T21:36:00.002+08:00

Let me vent my frustrations.

* &I(TB G$^&&U$% ^#%(U*HTKYTYU#$%WRSEDTYI%%Q%$T%^&%$%R@#$@#%$%U
QWERTY!

Gahhhh

I hate myself for being useless. I cant even do what i want?!?! I have to be dictated by some idiot who can do it whenever he wants to?! I finally remembered the reason i detest going home. Or perhaps despise.

It's tough explaining. Ppl look at u from their narrow views, and judge if u r right or wrong. But without wearing those pairs of shoes, they will never be able to truly comprehend. No wonder i chose to kept it to myself all these while.

$ is the root of all evil. But in the future, they will be under my damn control.

Argh, headache, 3rd time in 24 hrs. Zzz.

On a side note, pardon me for my lack of control over my emotions..

Tempted.

2008-11-05T09:49:00.002+08:00

The temptation to skip class yet again, for the 4th time out of a total of 4, is irresistible.
Especially when you are supported n understood.

I wanna go home! :(

I really wonder how 20th century boys is gonna be squeezed into a trilogy.
Tooooo much details!

It's a miracle if i can survive today. ):

Sick.

2008-11-04T16:24:00.003+08:00

Of this world.

On the way back home from blood donation, me n Julie saw these 2 boys on the train. Shdnt be more than 15 years old imo. They were so pushy n touchy n so within our view, i kept looking at Julie so that i wouldnt puke.

In some random stop one of them actually got a seat. What a mistake. The seated one leaned fwd with his head down to rest, and the other was making 'noises'. Cos his head is sort of near his crotch, he exclaimed: BJ.

Eeeeeeeek! Arghhhhhh. My young n innocent mind!

(Discovery: I might get aroused by cats rubbing their tail body against my calf.)

Took mc today. Yes. AGAIN. While trying to take my afternoon nap, i had sudden bouts of chest pains. Stabbing ones. They were near my heart, of cos i'm worried bout it. I mean, i can like die out of the blue. So i went to the polyclinic. Waited for like 1hr 5mins. Zzz. Did the routine questioning, and she checked on me. She touched my breasts!!!!! I feel so violated. But she says i'm ok, n appears to be suffering from no problems, n claimed that everyone else experiences these kind of pain from time to time. Well but she shd still be cautious cos many ppl r dying of a sudden, regardless of age.

Sometimes i rather have some illness or whatever. At least when i leave the world, i know the reason.

Seeing a 2 year old toddler at the clinic stirs my maternal instinct. She's sooooo cute! Ooh when her grandma wanted to walk her to the toilet, she was so reluctant n almost cried! :( N like all babies, she opened her arms! (Which reminds me.. @_@) N her grandma carried her up! :) The only memory i can recall are the timeS my mum refused to carry me (or i'll be too reliant). No wonder! T.T

If i had a daughter, i'l dress her up n take lots of pictures n hug her to bits!
If i had a son, i'l probably throw him to his father or smth..

Grab it now, or it'll be gone.

What happened in the above generation doesn't mean it will happen to me, right? Right?

Perhaps i've been lacking it too much, hence i've been trying to nourish myself from your share, and in the process, sucking you dry, so dry, that u shriveled.

Unrest.

2008-11-02T22:05:00.004+08:00

I dunno. Y can't i have a normal life, like everyone else? Yes i'm jealous. Can i turn this into strength? No idea, i simply feel like shriveling up in a corner right now. The shelter i've been under all these while, is tattered and torn, and i cant stay for long. The only thing you can truly rely on is yourself. Where can i ever seek solace? Perhaps comparison is one thing i shd stop doing.

When u see the lack of coherency, it means i'm not thinking straight already.

The usual boring cycle starts once again, tmr.
-------------------------------------------------

Today i got my life drained out of me. Yes. My very own ~~flesh &~~ blood! Argh. It's supposed to be a noble thing. But it turned out to be full of black and blues. And swells. Gah.

So noob! The needle actually turned halfway thru the draining of blood. The machine stopped and all the person could do was to ask me to squeeze the tomato. (Oh yes we got a tomato for stress ball! Heehee.) I din squeeze cos its damn pain can. Grr. They had to turn the needle again so that the blood can flow out properly! Poor arm! It's damn hard now lor. And it's my right arm! $!@#%@#^ Tsk.

But i shall never stop saving lives just cos of bad personnel. At least the blood test person was good la. Hur.

Time for tv!

Go!

2008-10-30T13:18:00.003+08:00

Being positive has a really light feeling, as if all burdens have been lifted, and everything else doesnt matter. :DD All the unnecessary thoughs r gone!

Doesn matter if im underpaid for my calibrenow! Im here to pass time anw! LOL.

Doesn matter that khong guan n julie biscuits arent edible till they r proven innocent! Doesn matter that i have nth to eat in the office! Cos im already fullllll! I can survive on happiness alone! XD

HAHAHA i love it when i print out my work and the rest are waiting for their one piece of paper to be printed. It always coincides! They do not print when i'm not! HAHAHA! + the fact that i'm the only one who can print so much at once due to my work, i'm sooooo please at mmyself! Heehee!

~~Ok seems like the effect is gonna wearing off soon.~~ Am i high on caffeine from tea? @_@

Ooh SAP is vvvv slow now. Others have prob logging in. HAHA! Time to slack! :XX There's nth i can do except read comics anw. LOL. OK nvm it's up again. Ah well. Hohoho.

Nvm. I was given a nice chocolate! ^o^v

Oh man, good things come in pairs and more! Ok, so i shall assume that i dun have to ot. :3
Update if there are happier things! ^w^

-Make it last! (:

&U#%*^&%

2008-10-29T09:23:00.002+08:00

I thought i din forget anything today, but.. Of all things, i forgot my important water bottle, AND! To take my breakfast b4 leaving home. Gosh.

Forgotten.

2008-10-28T16:37:00.004+08:00

I dun understand how couples who lived for like 2+ decades tgt can end up hating each other, that they can hang the disgusting word around their mouths so often. This is damn selfish. The kids gets affected as well. And the parents are the one who brought them to this world. Is this what you want when you first got married?! Pls be responsible.

Wounds will heal, but scars remain.

I won't understand till i experience it i guess.

There's still a long way to go.

There's this clenched up feeling in my stomach. I feel unwell. Eewk.

Edit:
Argh! More stories! But apparently the ppl in my dept r quite loving. Perhaps i can gop abit of luck from them? :S
----------------------------------------

Dumb day! I started off not applying eyecream, forgetting to bring my socks for the dumb safety shoes, and forgetting my essential jacket! I'm supposed to be freezing but fortunately, i borrowed one from my colleague. I shall pretend it hasn't been washed for god-knows-how-many years. Ignorance is bliss.

My Program Manager actually told me she spoke with my ex Manager at some conference thingy. (Didnt hear clearly) Sooooo random lor..

Notes to self:
-Read 20th & 21st century boys manga ASAP
-Go to the pantry occasionally to update self. (Dang! Missed the chocolate in the morning! T.T)

I WAN MY HUGS!

Kyaaaaaaaah~!

2008-10-24T23:52:00.001+08:00

5 months n counting! <3 And a Saturday tmr! :)))))))))))

Over.

2008-10-24T11:56:00.002+08:00

I didn't want to believe it at first. But over this period of time, it has been reinforced again and again. And perhaps this is what happens everywhere. This time, i'm weary and tired. And perhaps i've finally accepted the fact.

You can only rely on yourself.

NP!

2008-10-21T19:41:00.002+08:00

After going home early and walking around NorthPoint a little to find my KFC, i feel so happy! :D From the way it seems, NP seems to have potential after renovation! Hope it can beat the other shopping malls which ive gotten bored of. NP deserves better! Oh man i dun feel like moving anymore. :))) Cant wait for it to open! x]

The evil cockroach which terrorized me in the morning is still on the large! Mum failed to exterminate it! It peeked at me while i was bathing, dang it. t's so disgusting, it's gonna be a threat nx time! Gosh. I'm sooooo gonna keep the house clean when i get my own. It isnt home for pesty insects and filthy lizards. Eeek.

Comparing the previous post and this, there is a stark contrast in mood indeed. I wonder if i'm even normal? But i hope i am. Who wants to be told that they arent normal?

Argh now i detest work. It ain't my fault at all! >:( Whatever.

Oh well. Meeting tmr! :333 That's my only motivation now. Cant wait till the weekends! ^o^

Gurh.

2008-10-21T16:35:00.004+08:00

Even after a long period of time, i still cant help but hate, detest, and loathe this irritating feeling i get whenever i recall the past. It's more of :( than >:( Argh.

Feels like a damn long time from then.

Time to go home and lament.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Update.

2008-10-21T12:05:00.000+08:00

This week is gonna be horrible! :((((((((((((( Or at least the weekdays.. Cant wait till sat! >_<

Went 'fishing' at the arcade for soft toys again.. :X And gotten more sweets! I haven even touch the last bag la.. So i passed it him again! But i got a wonderfully kawaii meh meh! :DDD It's so cute, it even blushes! x333 Shall post the pics when i'm free. :))))) We spent like $45 trying, and had another 1/3 more to go. Soooo unlucky that day! The only reason we got it was cos we hit the jackpot! Oh man.

He wanted to catch another one, to compensate for our 6 day break, but didnt cos there was no time n i din wanto waste that much $$. He compared the $ spent catching the toys to the $ i spend for a week! @!^#&*$ How evil! >:O Do i really spend that much?!?!

Ah.. Lost the novelty of having a new job for very long already.. But might stay on simply to leech the company.. But still, so boring! Hai hai dun tell me this is life. I heard it many many times already! I'm sure there's a way to enjoy life, but up till this point i haven really found it. I'm sure i'll discover a way to..

I'm so bored!!! :(

This morning i saw a damn disgusting cockroach while i was bathing. Argh! Gives me the creeps. Eeek.

So xian of life. What shd i do? Hai.

!sguH

2008-10-13T14:22:00.002+08:00

I'm addicted to hugs, like bees to honey, like opposites, like me to you.

Ah, i'm suffering from withdrawal symptoms!

But that's the only thing driving me fwd, forcing me to complete my designated task with an hour.

God bless.

(Yes, i took another day off. How irresponsible :S)

Prograst.

2008-10-12T14:19:00.009+08:00

After clearing part of my debt if i get my pay for this month, i will be left with some miserable few hundred bucks. A huge chunk of it shd go to transportation, while some has to stay in the bank in order to pay my Singtel corporate plan thru giro. Sooooo, an estimated amount of $50, in the best case scenario, would be left to support me for the whole of 1 month b4 my next pay.

Hope my bonus will not be too pro rated that i only get a measly half a month's worth or smth.

And, time for OT whenever work and time permits.

Hi to the beginning of a sad life.
-------------------------------------------------
Ah! I'm almost done with 5 modules, thou this module has a high % of failure. Yes, my assignment is on the line right now with a due date of TODAY, and not to mention that i missed 6 classes, which equates to 18 hrs of useful information which contains impt points for the upcoming exam next week.

Hopefully i passed the previous module despite last min cramming and crapping for papers, which i wish to think that i did cos Kaplan hasnt contacted me yet. No news is good news, something which i strongly believe in.

Probably i can impress my lecturer with a self thought up form of management during the exam, and score pts for my case study just by submission itself. (Perhaps i shd submit a corrupted file, claim that my com crashed, and i have no back up? :O )

Ah, 4 more months to go before i finally break free from the curse that's studying and perhaps enjoy a little more of social life.

But then again, i might be the only one who's free of this curse and no one is able to accompany me apart from NS peeps! Perhaps i shd simply continue with my studies? Argh. Nvm, it shd be a wise time to start saving for my Mercedes-L.
------------------------------------------------
Actually woke at 10 in roder to do my assignment but up till now, all ive got is a draft which seems to be out of point. Ah well, i shall twist everyth in such a way that makes them correlated. Slept at 5am just now, so i wonder if i can last till night. And i ought to consider taking another leave tmr just so i can tie my loose ends!

Hai. My life in unbalanced and i'm not imba. Geez.

I'm only 19 and i wanto enjoy life b4 saying goodbye to teenage years! T.T
------------------------------------------------
Y isit when things dun go smoothly, i worry, and when things go tooooo smoothly, i feel unsettled? As if everything goes downhill after peaking. Ah. Dun think so much. You are turning into an old lady! Eeeeeek! >_<

Maybe i'm just hungry. Is this how i celebrate my 100th post?!?! :(

Remember the goals you set and how much you want it.

-Sleepy already..

Eight.

2008-10-09T21:52:00.005+08:00

Pictures!

My Hachiko! So cute right! Feel like buying the huge huge one to hug!
Ok this looks my XXkuma! (Still cant rmb the name) Well we caught this little baby after $40 worth of attempts on the sweet machine at the arcade. >_> So we got alot of sweets as well! Like 1 BIG bag hur hur. X_x

Today i had a talk with my new supervisor! He's so weird. But at least he isnt like the asst mgr. -_- And she's getting promoted la. Zzzzz.. Ooh she got someone else to do the work im supposed to do! Prob cos im v slow in responding cos i rather do other stuff =x And the fact that i always try to avoid her as much as possible? :X K la i shall bear with it. Then i'll run away. >:D

Couldnt sleep at the ISO training cos i din have a table n comfy chair to lean on! :(

Since someone rushed me, i shall end off! Cant rmb what i wanted to say anw le..

What i wanted to say ytd initially, i guess i'l tell u nx time, face to face. :) No guarantees when thou! :X

Oh yay tmr's my annual leave! Which would be used for alot of studying :( But it's ok :)

-'Cos I have you..

Hai.

2008-10-08T09:57:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling very moody, and i dun even know why. :(

喜欢你

2008-10-07T10:10:00.003+08:00

喜欢你给我你的外衣
让我像躲在你身体里
喜欢你借我你的梳子
让我用柔软头发吻你
喜欢你车窗上的雾气
仿佛是你的爱在呼吸
喜欢你那微笑的眼睛
连日落也看作唇印

我喜欢这样跟着你
随便你带我到哪里
你的脸慢慢贴近
明天也慢慢地慢慢清晰
我喜欢你爱我的心
轻触我每根手指感应
我知道它在诉说着你承诺言语
---------------------------------

Hmm, why do ppl think I'm on a diet!
I mean, do I need it?!!
Wait, don't ans that qn.

I'm highly confident I'll be a better driver after what happened ytd. (:
I can feel it in my veins! !!
I mean, I don't think I'll ALMOST get into an accident? (Were we near the expressway? x_X)
But it's ok, I'll 包容 you and accept your flaws! >:D
Ok fine. Sounds like it's a horrible mistake.
But hey, I might have been hurt! @_@
But u r forgiven for caring more about my well-being than the unit.
Lol.
Ok i'm blowing things out of proportion.
Haha.

For once, ERP seems scary.
Like seeing a boss when your HP is low.
Yup, it's that kind of feeling.
But it's ok cos i'm not the driver.
Yet.

Dun sit on the left! So dangerous.
Ah, reminds me of the sunflower.
So cute!
Ok, he shall be named Sunflower! :3333
I shall water it whenever possible.
Heehee.

Ah, I'm outta my mind.
How?! Class again.
Zzzz..

c_c

See.

2008-10-06T12:39:00.003+08:00

I'm accused of being a lousy driver! I'll prove u wrong! I'll be a driver nx year! N prob i'l go for F1! Just u wait! Just u wait! RAWR!

It's just Mario, it's just Mario! >_<

--------------------------------------
I'm bored with a little migraine. I bet it will be ok once my colleague arrives with my teh! Yesss il make it thru! I'll finish my assignment b4 friday! Gahhhhhh! (I took a 1 day annual leave for that? Eek.)

Him.

2008-10-05T23:04:00.002+08:00

I wanna cherish that dumbo, cos he's the one and only in this world.

For me! (:

-To a better..

More than Words.

2008-10-03T16:56:00.003+08:00

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words

Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know

1FineDay!

2008-09-30T22:08:00.005+08:00

Im v happy today! Lecturer let us off at 9! :DDDD So i din even bother sleeping after i heard tat news. I was totally NOT looking fwd to it de la! Hehe. But then, that sucky program manager is on leave AGAIN, whenever problems crop up. Always at the right time. I wonder how many days of leave she has? Zzz.. Luckily someone told me the venue is at the hotel or i might just go home le la.. Ah, assignment due nx Fri.. :( Hopefully il finish it long b4 then so i can enjoy my 1 day leave in lieu of National day. (:

Ive no idea y im so happy! Prob cos tmr's a holiday? I wan my green packets! But according to my supervisor, once u get a bf n once u start working, u arent eligible anymore.. I'm so doubtful! NOOOOO!

Or perhaps its cos i signed up for a Singtel corporate plan? It has free caller ID n autoroam! The entire plan is $19.50, and if my original plan had the above mentioned items, it would cost like around $35-40.. Yup, so now i have 2 #s! Cant wait for my # n phone to arrive. Its the Nokia E51 which Calvin claims can act as a router. Haha. Oh man my colleague is so lucky! We got a lucky dip n she got a Samsung bluetooth! AHHHH! I only got a jar of highlighters zzz. -_- Like wth. Grrrrr. Hers is the one n only somemore. But i got 2 Jco donuts just for signing up. So nvm then.

I shall forgive everything, just cos i'm inethically euphoric. Hehe (: (:

Maybe it's cos tmr's a pub holiday! And i can take a break from work! And i can play around leisurely! And i'm meeting him for BK breakfast early in the morning! Hahahaha @_@

Hmm i just got reminded of smth which is totally irrelevant since i'm so happy. The DHL balloon!!!! Its liek the last day today! RAWRRRR!! But totally do not feel any sadness or so. Prob for today only, but hey, it's good le! Oh man im still keeping my calm. Lol.

I'm reading Dilbert right now. Like all sorts of politics and real life workplace situations reflected into 3-8 panels. Haha. Soooo true la. Managers who dont understand what their staff are doing. "If you get a degree in Engineering you would probably understand what I'm doing." HAHAHAHA! X_x

On the other hand, i'm so totally into Voodoo! The game la. Soooo additive hahahaha. But im afraid this might affect my life, work and studies hahaha. I'm already in the 'retiring' mood le! Hehehehe. Eh? Whoops. >_<

Okie, enuf of craziness. Hahaha. Forgive my absurdity. :)

(Oh no, i'm gonna follow a pig! ;P)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!! :DDDDD

Reality.

2008-09-28T03:35:00.002+08:00

Remind me not to sit on the left side in the cinema. My ribcage hurts. Dun tell me i shifted my skeletal position somewhere somehow.

Meanwhile, after hearing my colleague's advice about how some bone problems can show up later in life, I might decide to see a chinese Sinseh or smth. For my lower back, spine tail, elbow, probably knees and shoulders. All past injuries sustained but ignored as the pain gradually faded over time. Hopefully they arent serious. My colleague had a crack in her arm. :S

MY DHL BALLOONNNNNNNNNNNNNN! :(:( T.T Oh well.......................................... I shall be nice lor.. ....................................... Gah! i hope it will not turn into a lifetime regret ba. Bah. Perhaps i need a brainwash. Yah.

Im lazy to go for class tmr! Technically later thou. So in totaly, 9 hrs of class missed. Oh well since when have i actually absorbed something till b4 the exams/assignment? Soooo hopefully it will be the same this time round. N perhaps i wun pursue my studies further after this? >_>

I guess im staying awake to avoid reality. The reality of tmr coming. And probably make myself tired so that i wun have to be awake during class hrs. Oh well!

Usually i can foresee stuff about my life, and a 'colored' area to them. And i can sort of foresee my lifespan. Dunno if it's true thou. The mentioning of 50 itself is smth far from me. So perhaps i'l only live till 60 or so. No wonder im nt for the changes in cpf. And who shd my $ go to?

Im reading Dilbert comics. I just like them. And i still dun feel like sleeping. Gahhh.

Pout.

2008-09-26T22:28:00.002+08:00

On a lone Friday with nothing else to do, I decided to turn to http://www.voodoominis.com/

Created by Minitoons!

Wild.

2008-09-25T12:03:00.004+08:00

Ytd was 4th anni! :DDDDDD Time flies! Almost took the balloon but again, it was under servicing. -_- Shall make it a point to call b4 going nx time! It's last day is 30th Sep.. x_x

Taking neoprints was fun! I'm like soooooo addicted to it le. Better than camwhoring IMO even though i dun take much pictures. And the best part is, my pimples cant be seen at all! >:D The printouts are hilarious hehe. This marks our first neoprint tgt! Wooooooooooooo~ Might upload if not lazy. Heehee.

Thanks to the long duration of Kurosagi, i reached home at 1230 and slept at 1+. Soooooo tired today @_@ And i forgot to bring my $$$! Almost couldn pay the taxi!

Hmmm im sure u will increase the 80% to 200%. MUSTMUSTMUST! x3

Shopping list(urgent) :
Vacuum flask/cup/both
Bag
Elbow guard

Ok, what shall we do next?

Visit.

2008-09-23T23:00:00.003+08:00

Wo hen xian! Even thou it's my 1 n only day to rest, cos i took MC. Gahh. Sundays are quite boring too. Where's my life! :( Even going online is limited. Neither here nor there. If i had more time i would have started on another manga/anime alr.. I wan my own lappie! Life's just unfair.. Hopefully i can bear for another year and ~~extort~~ request for the company to sponsor me a lappie :)

Ah, refreshed my mind with the dr. I've forgotten wad my physiotherapist used to call my condition. It's lax(loose) ligaments according to the GP. I can bend alot of my joints in a twisted manner, more than normal ppl do. Not all though la. Only the thumb can touch the wrist, and right elbow can almost touch my left.. As in when the hand is on the hips. And then u get more prone to joint pains earlier in the future, sprains, and dislocations la. (Which i actually thought aws opposite cos it should be able to slip back easily since it's loose.) And that's probably the reason my inner elbow hurts la. Such an awkward position! When i do stuff which require my hand to be in a weird position, it hurts. Hai. :( And it contributed to the fact that i'm flat footed. Eeeeeeee..

So probably i shd find and excuse not to do the manual work! And probably i shd get an arm-aid or wadever. Geez. All i was prescribed was painkillers.. (Which doesn kill the pain. -_-) The dr actually had fun playing with my elbow since it can bend it all sorts of directions..

GAH this idiot clinic is stupid! The dr went on a house visit n left me sitting for 1 hr without bringing my magazine and i was stupid enuf to stay there while other patients left. Patients don't have patience! GAHHHHH! If i were in danger i would have died 6345123572 times already. my previous 2 visits were a failure cos they either weren't open or rejected to have patients till a certain time. Grrrr.

Oh noes we are gonna affect our future generation if we take melamine! Well, this poison will stay in our body since we arent as weak as babies right? Gosh i hope those babies whom are hospitalised are fine la.. And will suffer from no side effects in the future.. I've finally realised the importance of human lives.. @_@

My mum isnt as innocent as i thought! :O LOL.

Oh well, back to the same old routine.

P.S. Go ahead and be a gamer but dun be a Goondu!

-Patience is a virtue Patience is a virtue Patience is a virtue Patience is a virtue Patience is a virtue!

Me.

2008-09-22T12:13:00.004+08:00

SM HAS SORE THROAT! T.T
SM is busy at work.
SM has the Monday blues.
SM needs to attend classes and can only go home at 10.
SM is tired.
SM is complaining about the weather being so hot while she's at home and cold while she's outside.
SM is brainstorming on what to eat.
SM MISSES DEEKEE!

-------------------------------
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DJ!!!!! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDD

*Dozes off*

Cherriesh.

2008-09-21T23:34:00.004+08:00

Cos i believe a change a skin would mean change of luck n everyth else. I mean, i believe whatever i wanto believe, facts or not. Anything in order to change my opinion.

Yen n i r gonna travel the whole world! (Which i think is not really possible, but we will still try to cover as much as we can la.) Well, if we cant finish the world this time round, we will do so again in our next lives. (:

Change either has to occur now or later. No matter what, it has to occur. As in the change of thinking and mindset. Otherwise my life will still be miserable no matter what. So might as well start now.

I've gotten a load off my mind! Everything seems so much clearer now. :) :)

Looking fwd to work tmr! :DD

-Y do i always sleep late on a Sunday?

Insane.

2008-09-21T10:57:00.005+08:00

Edit:
Taurus Horoscope
Your fears today are likely to be just that - phobias, fears, irrational and negative fantasies. Ask yourself just what these worries will accomplish.

Now i understand y idiots are happier than most ppl. N again, perhaps i shd be content with whatever i have now..

Are You Really In Love?

Result: It's Love!
Whether you've been with your sweetheart forever or you just started dating, there's definitely a love vibe going on.

You like to kick back and have fun together, but your feelings extend deeper than that. No matter how bad things get, you know you'll be there for each other. And that's the foundation of a strong, mature relationship.

-Then again, perhaps u're better off without me.. :(

TimeforHappiness.

2008-09-20T19:12:00.016+08:00

I thought i was optimistic, but in actual fact, i am vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv pessimistic. I can be optimistic to others' situations, but for my own, i can imagine the worst ever things that can happen.

I dunno what's with the deal about losing weight now. Isn't it all about looking good? So if u starve, usually u lose all the muscles! They are the ones helping to boost yr metabolism and actually BURN OFF the calories! If u lose them, you are seriously only going to gain MORE FATS back, unless u migrate to a 3rd world country n not return. Besides, when u lose muscles and retain the fats, you dun look that good at all. Being lean is what make models look good, and not weighing less and being flabby.

The Hanged Man
This card denotes the need to look at your current situation from a different perspective. The Hanged Man creates change by acting passively and and accepting fate. By surrendering control and making yourself vulnerable, you will facilitate change in your life. In order to see the bigger picture, you will need to take a step back.

His priorities in life (from what i observe):
1. Family
2. Gaming
3. Friends
4. Sleep
5. Studies

~~Oh yes, i'm not considered a priority.~~

For me, i guess i will be readjusting and shifting that of my own, in order to make my life richer and to suffer less..

% of fulfilment of my own life:
Family: -50%
Friends: 40%
Work: 30%

Probably that's y i try to obtain 500% from you, to fill up the gaps caused by the others' absence. But one doesn get what one wants. And for aiming too high, u get a harsh fall.

Btw, nv nv nv ever will i marry a gamer, this life or next. He will throw the chores to u, throw the work to u, throw the kids to u, throw the initiation to u, throw the.. .. But he will never throw himself to u. Look, if something happens to u in the house or outside, he wont even bother. Perhaps unless u die. Then he die die oso have to arrange for your funeral and hire a maid. And he's back to gaming.

Rmb, if u ever marry one accidentally, throw him out of the house.

Advice to gamers: Marry the computer if you are so attached.

--------------------------------------------------

Something more positive and happy here. ~~~

As quoted from Yen, who quoted from YP, who quoted from someone else, fear is FAKE EMOTIONS APPEARING REAL. Humans are damn pro at doing this. It all hasnt occurred in life, and yet we are all tied down by it. By our own imaginations. We are the ones haunting ourselves, and not situations itself.

I guess i will become stronger and less pessimistic. But then again, if my fears are realised, then i will probably not hesitate, despite the pain and suffering i might go thru. My life is my own, and someone or something which can make me unhappy, isnt worth to pine over.

Girls, stand up for yourselves! <-- link Self reminder: Pls keep this as a future reference. The DHL balloon is so huuuuuuuge and cute! But it's under some servicing so i cant ride it. Hai. DAMN SAD CAN! :( Don't tell me it's not fated cos i dun believe that SH**.

Btw, while i was (window) shopping, i saw these cute little lovelies!

These are the only dolls i wanna get (besides the DIY bears)(& when i have the $) and buy a display rack for! Ahhhh i so wanna get their merchandise! Oh, their name is.. ... ... ... R-smth smth smth- kuma! Basically starts with R n ends with kuma la. And their from jap i guess, since kuma stands for bear in jap. The cartoon is soooooo cute! Ahhhh @v@ ("v") :3

Finally done, :O it's 9! Better continue my assignment or im just gonna get another sleepless night again.. :( But first, BK! :9

-Perhaps faith is what i need..

WT*.

2008-09-18T21:59:00.004+08:00

I've no idea why i don't really like to be at home.
But now i've recalled.
It's the surroundings.
The environment.
The noise.

They did it again.
As usual.
That thing will side with its side of the family.
Without even listening to her.
Like she ain't a part of it.

Go incest.

I dun consider it as our own anymore.
For all it'd done to make our lives miserable.
To stain the heart of an innocent.
To make us shed tears.

She wants freedom.
I have to grow up soon.
For her sake.

Sorry, but there's no cure.

“Ask not what you can do for your country, ask what's for lunch.”

Zzz..

2008-09-18T16:44:00.002+08:00

Gosh, i'm so bored that i have to play games and blog to pass the time?! Geez. Hai.

Ytd we played UFO catcher! He tyco-ly caught smth for me! So sweet right! ~~That's cos it was literally sweets..~~

Today i have like so much to chew on. The healthy snacks which our company got a vendor to sell, my potato chips, the mentos, and the biscuits i always gop from the pantry. :X Sooo tired now le la. Shd be going home to slp le.. Sat i'm free! :DD

Ah, this major customer, one feared customer, sent this unit to us for repair, but we were unable to receive this as there's an open notification(previous undone job). After checking, it was concluded that the unit itself was a loan unit from our company. The CS commented:"Finally return after 2 years, still dare to act innocent and send for repair eh." Hur hur. Really pro la. But wad can we do? This customer cannot play play one :S

10 mins more, time for game and pack.

Downfall.

2008-09-17T12:10:00.004+08:00

Economic downturn! :O:O:O:O:O

How! Oh noes!

But since i dont invest in stocks or property or wadever, i shd be safe for the moment. And hopefully the company doesn try n reduce headcount? Hur hur. There's so little work here recently la.. :S Even for Mondays! Gosh gosh.

Ah, ytd went to class for new module. This module is Principles of Management. (I think all the ppl in my company shd attend this. Tsk.) Ok, so we had combined class with the Management n Mass Comm ppl i think.

These 2 idiots sitting in front of me were vvvvvv absurd. One, when introducing herself, made herself seem v impt. Like without her the rest of our industries cannot survive. Shes some angmoh director of dunno wad or smth. Cant even express herself properly, how can she be someone impt? Yaya, go be VIP(Irritating) or smth.

The other one was worse. Her comment to the lecturer goes like this: "Excuse me, can you please increase your volumn? Or perhaps if the rest of the class *gestures to our side* keep quiet, it would be better." WT***************************! Pls la cant u concentrate? If u cant filter all these noise and focus? There's no need to get the others to change if u r so capable yrself. Pls learn smth from this management module, u stuck up freaks!

No wonder they say birds of a feather flock together.

Come to think of it, i'l be free from wed to sat. How boring. And no ot! Gahhhh. What to do! Xianxianxianxianxian.

Time to play and sleep.

T.T

Fiscal year ending.

-Life goal?

知足

2008-09-16T12:10:00.003+08:00

怎么去拥有一道彩虹
怎么去拥抱一夏天的风
天上的星星笑地上的人
总是不能懂不能知道足够

如果我爱上你的笑容
要怎么收藏要怎么拥有
如果你快乐不是为我
会不会放手其实才是拥有

当一阵风吹来风筝飞上天空
为了你而祈祷而祝福而感动
终于你身影消失在人海尽头
才发现笑着哭最痛

那天你和我那个山丘
那样的唱着那一年的歌
那样的回忆那么足够
足够我天天都品尝着寂寞

当一阵风吹来风筝飞上天空
为了你而祈祷而祝福而感动
终于你身影消失在人海尽头
才发现笑着哭最痛

如果我爱上你的笑容
要怎么收藏要怎么拥有
如果你快乐再不是为我
会不会放手其实才是拥有

----------------------------
All the time i try and try to avoid, but it always happens.
And you're the one who always accomodates me..
How i wish to make you happy, but i keep doing the exact opposite.
I wanna change!
But it aint easy, to be a completely different person, when you've been that way for the whole of your life.
But i dun wanna stay like this either.
I watch dramas.
I don't wanna be the bad girl.
And i don't want you to be the sad lead.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I will prove it with time, and i hope there's enuf.
I feel better. (:
Sorry, for all i did. T.T
And thank you, for all you've done.
For me. <3

-Next stage..

Action.

2008-09-16T09:59:00.004+08:00

I refuse to let fate dictate my life.

After a long night ytd, i decided to probably go for treatment with Mum.
But i haven told her yet.
If i let my situation continue, i might not lead a normal life.
It will be back to haunt me.
Just like old age and rheumatism.

I even wonder whats wrong with my life.
But hey, it's going pretty smoothly this year.
But i cant seem to feel it.
Must be it.
It's clouding my mind.
In fact, i twist facts in my mind.
I mean, which normal person will cry and feel sad when nth ever happened?

Probably after this, i will become normal again.

This is all my fault.
I simply forgot what i learnt in the past few days, and references i made.

I don't need sympathy.

-1,2,3..

Wingless.

2008-09-15T08:38:00.006+08:00

Didnt sleep well.
It was cold.
Tossed and turned.
How to sleep when you're feeling the pangs?
I think i got a rough idea how 阵痛 feels like.
Just at a different place.
I practically had to focus on breathing to simply stop it.
Took a pill to aid myself.
And tried to knock myself unconscious by banging against the wall.
Finally fell asleep at around 3.
Woke easily of cos, since sleep wasnt deep.

It was raining quite in the morning.
I should have walked in.
It was like 泼-ing 冷水 on me.

And another adding oil to the fire.
It just doesn mean anything to u what it means to me.
My happiness is just some rubbish waiting to throw into the bin.
I guess im simply, an extra carrefair.

But i sincerely hope it isnt meant to be that way.

If i cant fly,
I will just,
.
.
.
.
.
Fall.

-Numb..

Not a Song.

2008-09-14T19:30:00.001+08:00

One word for exam: Flunked.
But i still believe in miracles.
Hope the assignment will bring me back to life.
But i am lazy to draw a flowchart by hand, nor create one via Microsoft Word.

My bro is out.
Mean brothers.
They practically lived to bully their little sisters. ):
Why am i always bullied by older brothers(related or not)?
Why cant i have brothers who will protect me?
Why m i even..
Sad.

Probably i should take a nap.

Ahhhh i think im getting more patient.
Or am i just forcing myself to keep calm?
I can feel the emotions boiling within.
And the reduction of my current lifespan.

Mama also thought that i should be receiving calls and msgs all day!
But im not.
So should i throw my phone away?

Who can think properly after a 3 hr long exam?
Even though it was shorter cos i arrived late and left early.

Why am i typing this way?
It just seems neater.
To me at least.
The weather is hot.
Im being cooked.

My brother uses col..
Col..
... That perfumed thing.
It smells like toilet.
Poor him, hes a guy.
He has to support his wife if he ever gets married.
His gf comes from a rich family.
Unlike me, i simply support myself.
But its never enuf.
And im still in debt.
With more tax invoices on the way

Class schedule has changed.
To Mon & Tues.
Like, my busiest days?
So sucky.
I cant even OT.
And a full day class on a Sunday.
WTH.
Lousy program manager.

Connection prob.
I shall sleep.

:(

EDIT:
Im awake.
And pigging out.
There shdnt be food in the hse i'd say.
Oh no my cranberry mooncake in the fridge! T.T
Oh noes mum is cooking those for me!

Back to work.

I shall think positive.

(Damn, i wanna learn driving! :( )

-Noooooo!

Tired!

2008-09-13T20:50:00.010+08:00

I'm set to fail my exam tmr.. Sooooo, i'm here trying to destressssssssss @.@ I simply cant get into the mood to even start my assignment. Oh wells. But hey, signing up for this course is via my own will (& $). Okayy as usual, i shall just TRY and hope for the best.. LAH.

And hopefully for the assignment nx week. :X

Sweet wrapper- Other designs are cute too! Wanted to keep the wrappers, but was denied by colleagues. Geez.

View on the way home, around Sengkang area. The building practically looked like it's on fire :S
I made this shape with candles when my area was celebrating! ~~Think it looks better than someone's masterpiece..~~

Can u even make it out? X_x

Hmm i forgot to take a picture of my Pure Black Durian Mooncake from Home's Favourite. It's in my tummy now (: Ah, my stomach hasnt been listening to me recently. Haiiiiiiiiiii.

Someone's a Chubby-Boo! HAHAHA x333333 This game is really hilarious hahahahha. I'm interested in the Wii baseball game! Looks fun, hehe. I found the motivation to visit arcades again. I actually din like to go in the past, even thou i enjoyed playing some of the games. I still dun like racing, unless it's Mario! :3 ~~That, and the fact that i enjoy the sense of superiority.~~

你能明白我吗

我就是那个为你迷了心的人

我在期待你拥抱

我在期待你来伴我这一生

就让你知道我知道

让全世界的人都能知道

我在期待你的一个吻

我在期待你来爱我这一生

就让天知道地知道

你对我有多重要

It's either i really love old songs or i cant click with the new ones. Or i'm not updated enuf.

Sometimes it isnt just 2. But i've learnt about the importance of trust & simply indulging in the moment's happiness. And to let go. (Just like the Starhub doggy! xD) BUT, continue being Goondus and u will see what happens..

That, and something else. <3 3 short months in the company, and i really grew. Thanks to the newcomer and my life benefactor.

I feel like i've finally freed myself. And that we can proceed even further. I'm glad i didn't leave anything to Fate.

Aiyaaaaaaaaaaa, sleep time. Zzz....

-I still believe.. I can? .. Right?

Sunny!

2008-09-10T12:00:00.006+08:00

I really really dun regret at all meeting at night! (: (: It has really affected me for days and days and i dun seem to be like myself.. Well, at least my Friday is spared, and we can have a fun time tgt again! ^o^v

I will try to make up for it in the future. Our future. ^-^

I'm so happy! :DDDD

---------------------------------

Hmm.. Im forced to wear safety boots at work.. SOOO clashy with my clothes! Eeeeeeee! And they still said it matches with my all black attire.. -_-

It's a Friday, friday, friday, FRIDAY! >:D

(Exam's on sun :[)

-After the rain..

Grit.

2008-09-10T08:15:00.005+08:00

I guess me n my colleague are influencing each other with our sad spells. Her period, coupled with my mood. Even thou it isnt mine, hormones still can fly around.

For the first time since that day i was sick, i lost my appetite.

I knew you would be immune to them one day. But the emotions which flowed with it, remains true and real. Even though i've no idea why i shd feel that way. I guess i linked the wrong stuff tgt. Like, why we always.. ...

But I think i know what you wanted.

I guess I'm not someone you will cherish, protect, love..
Someone truly important to you.
That Someone you will fall crazily in love with.

Ytd was 9 Sept.

Sometimes, you just want to grab hold of Happiness.
But at the same time, you want Happiness to be happy.

Your notes are still with me. Do you still want them?

-Can they coexist?

Sun!

2008-09-07T16:36:00.002+08:00

It's scary how a 61 year old mother is willing to be a surrogate mum for her grandchild.

Finally i went out with Mum today. So accurate! To know that Mum has been hoarding me with lots of calls recently.

Honestly the only words which alarmed me were:
她养了你二十年,
你能养回她二十年吗?

No matter how old or mature i m, i'm still a child to her i guess.. But i'm old enuf alr! Perhaps only when i really become a parent, will i truly understand the pain n worry of one. Cos when things dun happen to me, i cant really put myself in other ppl's shoes. Another are to focus on.

Got slightly enlightened today, so i guess i'l leave most of the stuff to fate for now.

忘记你我做不到

不去天涯海角

在我身边就好

要是承诺不可靠

是什么让我们拥抱

I think i watched too many taiwan variety shows recently. Again.

Back to 星光帮! =X

Edit: I was advised not to take too much alcohol. Ah, the agony! :(

Will. But Lazy.

2008-09-07T01:56:00.004+08:00

I will save up for a psp.
I will get that facial care thing i want.
I will save $ for future investments.
I will complete my dip program, followed by my deg n masters. (Hopefully)
I will lose 15% of body fats. (Hur)
I will be patient.
I will ~~not torture~~ treat that pighead nicer. (Be glad u r on the list!)

I am not jealous about them holding hands at middle age.

I am very traumatized by the ghost talks though i really really really enjoy listening to it.
Another reason not to try having a kid.

Remind me to do my annual appraisal by ~~tmr~~ later.

他还不懂还是不懂
离开是想要被挽留
如果开口那只是我要来的温柔
他还不懂永远不懂
一个拥抱能代替所有
爱绝对能够动摇我

Protest!

2008-09-04T20:22:00.005+08:00

New 7-11 at the MRT station. Replaced This Fashion. Like wth? Soooooo wasted.
1. It is unable to function 24/7 to provide convenience to ppl.
2. For convenience, there's a Cheers outlet within 200m radius. (In fact, another 7-11 as well.)
3. It is situated directly outside a NTUC supermart.

... Hello? Think properly pls?

All Employee's Meeting!
The main part was the Improvements area hehehehehe. ALL the management will be req to attend courses in order to manage better now. (: (: If i were the boss, i would like change the company 180 deg! Esp the mgmts. Hehehehe.

I think i have a slightly better idea on what to do nx time? Mgmt is still not really my cup of tea. More of technical areas i guess. ~~I prefer feelnig superior to others..~~ Oh man my colleague actually put in a good word for me in front of the asst mgr. I m soooo glad to have (some) nice colleagues! (: (: And some others as well, for guiding me and giving advices.. (And letting me know what to avoid hahaha) It is really v helpful when u r in a new environment n a ~~noob~~ newbie when it comes to handling ppl, politics and the likes. They are all soooo much more experienced than me in many areas, i can really learn alot from them. Hehe. So, time to start ~~exploiting~~ learning from the company! (:

Sometimes sometimes, it's better to keep some stuff to oneself. I trust ppl too much :S

Some factors to consider and weigh b4 making a decision.. By nx week. And a quick twist of the brain is needed.

P.S. I still dislike mgmt.

:o I'm so optimistic, when a min ago i was actually quite.. Emo? @_@

Ahhhhh I don't wanna lose you! :(

Ok I'm sort of paranoid again.. I soooo need to distress. My life is gone, consumed by work, that I don't even know what to do online anymore.. >_<

P.S.S. I've no idea why i keep pictures of chio bus! X_x

SAP-ped

2008-09-01T19:10:00.002+08:00

"So when did your cramps stop hurting?"
"After pregnancy."
"....."

The horror! (Even after 7th month) Yes that's my mum, and i hope heredity doesn't work in this case.

Now that it's over, i can finally talk about it. It's no wonder they say that ppl either make it pass 7th month n new year, or cant cross over. They almost took me with them. This stupid yellow taxi speeding, at the rate it goes, i probably would have flown till other building. If it weren't for my colleague, i would have gone with the wind already. I wasn't even supposed to meet him that day. It was totally coincidental. I didnt even see the taxi coming. It really flew in front of me when he pulled me back.

Humans are the really scary ones. To make me ot till 9!

"So what do i do with this?" (For something i totally dun touch)
"Investigate, and have fun with it."
"..." (@$%@&%$)

And this person actually went home at 5, leaving me here till 9. I soooo do not wish to transfer dept now. -_-

Ok, 2 hrs to go. Time for dinner.

IneedDonutsandChocolates.

2008-08-31T21:59:00.003+08:00

Ah fine i admit i'm noob at drinking. Only a few glasses of red wine n i'm feeling the headache, giddiness n nauseous already. (But at least i didnt turn unglam or smth) I shall increase my tolerance nx time!

MY FAVOURITE WWE SUPERSTAR IS HURT! T-T Herinated disk :O

On the way back home in a bus, this family was.. How shd i say? I would rather not be in their shoes. 2 kids, 1 toddler and 1 baby. The baby was horrible. She was crying all the way from near the start of my journey all the way to the interchange. Like 30 mins of hell. The father tried to please her by playing with her, teasing her, carrying her, etc etc. But she still wailed all the way. Why don't she be a singer instead nx time? Her mum also tried to no avail. Oh wells. I wonder how her older sis can be so calm and quiet? I thought children will vie with each other for attention. Whenever a baby cries, i often tell myself that it isnt their fault. But this one is really bui tahan. #!@

All babies shd be like me, so easy to take care of, so lovable. Eat sleep eat sleep. I bet my parents wanted me to stay awake so that they can play with me! Oh, as i grew older, i became tougher to take care of la. (As commented by Mum) It's impt to not spoil the child when they are young. Mum used to pat me to sleep when i was a baby, so when she didn't do so to me, i would whine and not slp. And whenever i saw her coming to me with the cane, i would cry immediately, whether she hits me or not. And kids really learn quick. After i saw my neighbour not crying despite being threatened(with a cane) by her mum, i immediately stopped crying until my mum actually hits. And i would try and hold back my tears and stare at her in the face. Otherwise i would still be crying whenever she holds the cane now.

How many times had anyone changed yr outlook on life?

What i miss is, the cup of water handed to me everytime after my punishments. (To replenish water loss)

If i were a 3rd person looking at this child, i might have thought she will grow up and be a normal person living a simple life, not expecting much from anyone else. And perhaps be happy with the simple things in life.

In sec scoo, i chose to learn the 'wrong' things. We could copy our work, drag our work, and not do our work. I gladly took it cos i'm a natural procrastinator. In pri scoo i still managed to complete my work all the time, and did corrections for every single msitake i made. And then came the everything-managed-to-fall-on-you saga. Like, stress coming from all parts of life. From CCA to studies to friends to family. All of them at once. Cos its all interlinked. And i turned to the computer for solace. Cos it wouldn't add to any of yr stresses. In fact, it felt like a support back then. Add to that, the broken family. Clinging on only cos all of us have nowhere to go monetary. As yet. Till we can be independent. And then we would most probably..

I have no idea when i would experience the next change and impact, but right now, i probably have the worst combination of experiences in my entire life which shaped me into who i am now.

And suddenly, i feel like giving up on life again, 'cos everyth drains me in the spirit.

Yes, it's that time of the month again. (Y can't i be like ppl who aren't affected?)

-Life is a full time marathon, not a 100m sprint. (N i'm pretty weak-hearted)

HxH

2008-08-30T00:44:00.003+08:00

My long awaited manga is back! (After several hiatuses, or isit hiati. Hur.)

Olympus camera 10mp @ $449 with free 1gb ipod shuffle @ comex. Should i? Maybe not. Geeeeez.

Btw, u can learn alot of juicy stuff from taiwan variety shows. Interesting facts and stuff n wadever.

"我希望你笑是因为我" Sooooo cheesy hahahahah.

Pets live a better life than me.

Time to slp n prepare for tmr's long day. @_@

-Go wild.

Blabbery.

2008-08-27T22:44:00.006+08:00

Describe the tobacco industry in SG.
Up down up down. 'cos smoke quit smoke quit.

Whether it's in class or work, everyone i see is like wayyyyyyy more experienced than i am. Oh well.

What zodiac are you?
Snake lor..
Oh, same as me!
Oh, 1 cycle hor..
2!
@_@

------------------------------------------
Often in my mind, a mental picture of your perfect family would be thought of. But she isn't what i am. I am too draining, too tiring, too much for you. And too wild.

Perhaps i expected too much. I guess i'm just too greedy.

The worst thing of all? I did it again. To the innocent party. Mood swings be damned.

Perhaps i should see a dr soon. Normal isn't anywhere close to me.

-I just want you to want me. To NEED me. Is that tough?

...
I'm being stupid again.

Returned?!

2008-08-25T10:03:00.004+08:00

I thought that after sleeping for(ever) long hrs after the weekends, mon will be a new start for me. Esp when there's no rain, and it's pretty shiny. And i woke early.. 2 came in the morning. Happily i thought i could finish them up, but no. Fate wasn't that kind to me. Soon after, reality dawned on me. The entire room was filled with my work. Packages, cartons. How is 1 poor girl gonna finish them all? Do i need to stay till 11pm tonight? :'(

When will i ever get a chance to escape from all these troubles?

When fate has already dictated your path, somehow ppl give in. But I will not. I will find a way out. Unless.. But focusing on the good is way better than the bad. You cant predict anything which will happen in the future anw. The glass is half full!

Ah, the monday blues. Bleah. Hmph. Gah. Tsk. Grr. Rawr.

Wish you were here. Like all the time. Sometimes even i feel that i'm obsessed. :S ~~But where can u find another like me?!?!?!~~

-What goes round, comes around.

Shine.

2008-08-24T14:22:00.003+08:00

Youngsters nowadays are REALLY cool n calculative. They sure know how to calculate time. Just like me! (: We plan exactly the time taken to travel n reach the venue, and we leave our hse just in time. That reduces time wastage and the likes! But y cant the others feel the same?!

Watched Fate ytd. If i had given it a little more of my concentration, i would have mastered Korean vulgarities! But being the civilized me, i DON'T use any at all. (:

First time i had free time to spend, at home, but it's really damn boring. :S Mum still hasnt cooked for me!

I practically slept for the whole day ytd. T.T

Ahhhh better try being independent..

Carl's Jr really serves huge portions.

Today's our 3rd month! <3 :DDDDD Sounds as though probation is over, but i guess we are still probing. :X

I believe in sunshine & rainbows after a rain. Without bad weather, u wun even be able to see the rainbow, unless u live in the desert. (: The stronger the turbulence, the calmer the aftermath. ~~

-Hold on.

Superb.

2008-08-20T15:49:00.004+08:00

Suchhhhhh a sensitive topic, about religion, god, the supernatural and the likes. >_> Better not disclose in case it offends anyone.

Really, ppl who believe in God are totally and absolutely firm in their thinking. But everyone has the right to have their own thinking right?

How does Phelps eat so much in a day? I heard he had a 12000 kilocalorie diet! Sooooo freaky :S ~~I am so jealous!~~ If he eats any less, he won't be able to maintain his (muscle) mass! Is he really human? I think he should be classified under the 'superhuman' category. How many more Olympics is he gonna continue to compete!

Hmm. I wonder if the world is happier to see an athlete's career end forever, or see him quit at the moment in order to make a comeback next time.

I m oh-so-jealous of my Program Manager for treating the company like her fashion parade everyday. Hahaha. I soooo need to shop SOON, once i pay off my debts. ^o^"

X's gf is making him ~~a guinea pig~~ dinner! How nice lor. So cute haha. He's damn lucky, i tell u. Even thou she's angry with him over something he did not do, i bet in her heart she still loves him alot la. (:

SOMEBODY is ignoring my ucanfly request! Evil Beaver :(

-Adios, for now.

Usual.

2008-08-17T00:27:00.000+08:00

"You two look very romantic. Please concentrate." HAHAHA! Finally something is said about the couple in my class! Esp when it's the lecturer who commented. Lol.

Seems like this module's assignment is not gonna be easy! And there are two parts to it. ZzzZz. Plus u have to find some documents from yr own company for scanning, which is gonna be hard as i'm not from a forwarding company. Xian xian xian. Oh well. I probably shd rely on my exam. :X

Finally meeting Julie n DJ for lunch tmr! Like, havent seen them for so long? All of us are so busy. Hai.. ~~Y m i working y am i working y m i working!~~ After this wk, my schedule is gonna fall back to the same old boring thing.. Work eat slp work eat slp work eat slp slack.

I'm using his lappy to blog! ~~I think i will hog on to it in the future~~ (:

-After the storm, sunlight and warmth ensues..