I thought i was optimistic, but in actual fact, i am vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv pessimistic. I can be optimistic to others' situations, but for my own, i can imagine the worst ever things that can happen.

I dunno what's with the deal about losing weight now. Isn't it all about looking good? So if u starve, usually u lose all the muscles! They are the ones helping to boost yr metabolism and actually BURN OFF the calories! If u lose them, you are seriously only going to gain MORE FATS back, unless u migrate to a 3rd world country n not return. Besides, when u lose muscles and retain the fats, you dun look that good at all. Being lean is what make models look good, and not weighing less and being flabby.

The Hanged Man
This card denotes the need to look at your current situation from a different perspective. The Hanged Man creates change by acting passively and and accepting fate. By surrendering control and making yourself vulnerable, you will facilitate change in your life. In order to see the bigger picture, you will need to take a step back.

His priorities in life (from what i observe):
1. Family
2. Gaming
3. Friends
4. Sleep
5. Studies

Oh yes, i'm not considered a priority.

For me, i guess i will be readjusting and shifting that of my own, in order to make my life richer and to suffer less..

% of fulfilment of my own life:
Family: -50%
Friends: 40%
Work: 30%

Probably that's y i try to obtain 500% from you, to fill up the gaps caused by the others' absence. But one doesn get what one wants. And for aiming too high, u get a harsh fall.

Btw, nv nv nv ever will i marry a gamer, this life or next. He will throw the chores to u, throw the work to u, throw the kids to u, throw the initiation to u, throw the.. .. But he will never throw himself to u. Look, if something happens to u in the house or outside, he wont even bother. Perhaps unless u die. Then he die die oso have to arrange for your funeral and hire a maid. And he's back to gaming.

Rmb, if u ever marry one accidentally, throw him out of the house.

Advice to gamers: Marry the computer if you are so attached.

--------------------------------------------------

Something more positive and happy here. ~~~

As quoted from Yen, who quoted from YP, who quoted from someone else, fear is FAKE EMOTIONS APPEARING REAL. Humans are damn pro at doing this. It all hasnt occurred in life, and yet we are all tied down by it. By our own imaginations. We are the ones haunting ourselves, and not situations itself.

I guess i will become stronger and less pessimistic. But then again, if my fears are realised, then i will probably not hesitate, despite the pain and suffering i might go thru. My life is my own, and someone or something which can make me unhappy, isnt worth to pine over.

Girls, stand up for yourselves! <-- link Self reminder: Pls keep this as a future reference. The DHL balloon is so huuuuuuuge and cute! But it's under some servicing so i cant ride it. Hai. DAMN SAD CAN! :( Don't tell me it's not fated cos i dun believe that SH**.

Btw, while i was (window) shopping, i saw these cute little lovelies!

These are the only dolls i wanna get (besides the DIY bears)(& when i have the $) and buy a display rack for! Ahhhh i so wanna get their merchandise! Oh, their name is.. ... ... ... R-smth smth smth- kuma! Basically starts with R n ends with kuma la. And their from jap i guess, since kuma stands for bear in jap. The cartoon is soooooo cute! Ahhhh @v@ ("v") :3

Finally done, :O it's 9! Better continue my assignment or im just gonna get another sleepless night again.. :( But first, BK! :9

-Perhaps faith is what i need..

Labels: :(, :), kawaii, reference, thoughts

I've no idea why i don't really like to be at home.
But now i've recalled.
It's the surroundings.
The environment.
The noise.

They did it again.
As usual.
That thing will side with its side of the family.
Without even listening to her.
Like she ain't a part of it.

Go incest.

I dun consider it as our own anymore.
For all it'd done to make our lives miserable.
To stain the heart of an innocent.
To make us shed tears.

She wants freedom.
I have to grow up soon.
For her sake.

Sorry, but there's no cure.


“Ask not what you can do for your country, ask what's for lunch.”

Labels: angst

Gosh, i'm so bored that i have to play games and blog to pass the time?! Geez. Hai.

Ytd we played UFO catcher! He tyco-ly caught smth for me! So sweet right! That's cos it was literally sweets..

Today i have like so much to chew on. The healthy snacks which our company got a vendor to sell, my potato chips, the mentos, and the biscuits i always gop from the pantry. :X Sooo tired now le la. Shd be going home to slp le.. Sat i'm free! :DD

Ah, this major customer, one feared customer, sent this unit to us for repair, but we were unable to receive this as there's an open notification(previous undone job). After checking, it was concluded that the unit itself was a loan unit from our company. The CS commented:"Finally return after 2 years, still dare to act innocent and send for repair eh." Hur hur. Really pro la. But wad can we do? This customer cannot play play one :S

10 mins more, time for game and pack.

Labels: nonsenses, xian

Economic downturn! :O:O:O:O:O

How! Oh noes!

But since i dont invest in stocks or property or wadever, i shd be safe for the moment. And hopefully the company doesn try n reduce headcount? Hur hur. There's so little work here recently la.. :S Even for Mondays! Gosh gosh.

Ah, ytd went to class for new module. This module is Principles of Management. (I think all the ppl in my company shd attend this. Tsk.) Ok, so we had combined class with the Management n Mass Comm ppl i think.

These 2 idiots sitting in front of me were vvvvvv absurd. One, when introducing herself, made herself seem v impt. Like without her the rest of our industries cannot survive. Shes some angmoh director of dunno wad or smth. Cant even express herself properly, how can she be someone impt? Yaya, go be VIP(Irritating) or smth.

The other one was worse. Her comment to the lecturer goes like this: "Excuse me, can you please increase your volumn? Or perhaps if the rest of the class *gestures to our side* keep quiet, it would be better." WT***************************! Pls la cant u concentrate? If u cant filter all these noise and focus? There's no need to get the others to change if u r so capable yrself. Pls learn smth from this management module, u stuck up freaks!

No wonder they say birds of a feather flock together.

Come to think of it, i'l be free from wed to sat. How boring. And no ot! Gahhhh. What to do! Xianxianxianxianxian.

Time to play and sleep.

T.T

Fiscal year ending.

-Life goal?

Labels: angst, random, thoughts

怎么去拥有 一道彩虹
怎么去拥抱 一夏天的风
天上的星星笑地上的人
总是不能懂 不能知道足够

如果我爱上 你的笑容
要怎么收藏 要怎么拥有
如果你快乐不是为我
会不会放手其实才是拥有

当一阵风吹来 风筝飞上天空
为了你 而祈祷 而祝福 而感动
终于你身影消失在人海尽头
才发现 笑着哭 最痛

那天你和我 那个山丘
那样的唱着 那一年的歌
那样的回忆 那么足够
足够我天天都品尝着寂寞

当一阵风吹来 风筝飞上天空
为了 你而祈祷 而祝福 而感动
终于你身影消失在 人海尽头
才发现 笑着哭 最痛

如果我爱上 你的笑容
要怎么收藏 要怎么拥有
如果你快乐再不是为我
会不会放手 其实才是拥有

----------------------------
All the time i try and try to avoid, but it always happens.
And you're the one who always accomodates me..
How i wish to make you happy, but i keep doing the exact opposite.
I wanna change!
But it aint easy, to be a completely different person, when you've been that way for the whole of your life.
But i dun wanna stay like this either.
I watch dramas.
I don't wanna be the bad girl.
And i don't want you to be the sad lead.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I will prove it with time, and i hope there's enuf.
I feel better. (:
Sorry, for all i did. T.T
And thank you, for all you've done.
For me. <3

-Next stage..

Labels: lyrics

I refuse to let fate dictate my life.

After a long night ytd, i decided to probably go for treatment with Mum.
But i haven told her yet.
If i let my situation continue, i might not lead a normal life.
It will be back to haunt me.
Just like old age and rheumatism.

I even wonder whats wrong with my life.
But hey, it's going pretty smoothly this year.
But i cant seem to feel it.
Must be it.
It's clouding my mind.
In fact, i twist facts in my mind.
I mean, which normal person will cry and feel sad when nth ever happened?

Probably after this, i will become normal again.

This is all my fault.
I simply forgot what i learnt in the past few days, and references i made.

I don't need sympathy.

-1,2,3..

Labels: thoughts

Didnt sleep well.
It was cold.
Tossed and turned.
How to sleep when you're feeling the pangs?
I think i got a rough idea how 阵痛 feels like.
Just at a different place.
I practically had to focus on breathing to simply stop it.
Took a pill to aid myself.
And tried to knock myself unconscious by banging against the wall.
Finally fell asleep at around 3.
Woke easily of cos, since sleep wasnt deep.

It was raining quite in the morning.
I should have walked in.
It was like 泼-ing 冷水 on me.

And another adding oil to the fire.
It just doesn mean anything to u what it means to me.
My happiness is just some rubbish waiting to throw into the bin.
I guess im simply, an extra carrefair.

But i sincerely hope it isnt meant to be that way.

If i cant fly,
I will just,
.
.
.
.
.
Fall.

-Numb..

Labels: ..

One word for exam: Flunked.
But i still believe in miracles.
Hope the assignment will bring me back to life.
But i am lazy to draw a flowchart by hand, nor create one via Microsoft Word.

My bro is out.
Mean brothers.
They practically lived to bully their little sisters. ):
Why am i always bullied by older brothers(related or not)?
Why cant i have brothers who will protect me?
Why m i even..
Sad.

Probably i should take a nap.

Ahhhh i think im getting more patient.
Or am i just forcing myself to keep calm?
I can feel the emotions boiling within.
And the reduction of my current lifespan.

Mama also thought that i should be receiving calls and msgs all day!
But im not.
So should i throw my phone away?

Who can think properly after a 3 hr long exam?
Even though it was shorter cos i arrived late and left early.

Why am i typing this way?
It just seems neater.
To me at least.
The weather is hot.
Im being cooked.

My brother uses col..
Col..
... That perfumed thing.
It smells like toilet.
Poor him, hes a guy.
He has to support his wife if he ever gets married.
His gf comes from a rich family.
Unlike me, i simply support myself.
But its never enuf.
And im still in debt.
With more tax invoices on the way

Class schedule has changed.
To Mon & Tues.
Like, my busiest days?
So sucky.
I cant even OT.
And a full day class on a Sunday.
WTH.
Lousy program manager.

Connection prob.
I shall sleep.

:(

EDIT:
Im awake.
And pigging out.
There shdnt be food in the hse i'd say.
Oh no my cranberry mooncake in the fridge! T.T
Oh noes mum is cooking those for me!

Back to work.

I shall think positive.

(Damn, i wanna learn driving! :( )

-Noooooo!

Labels: nonsenses